I’m a very ‘fussy eater’. I won’t eat anything with sauce, other than a few notable exceptions such as pizza or calamari with garlic or lemon mayo.

I can’t eat lasagne, spaghetti bolognese, carbonara, and the majority of dishes in most restaurants.

I hate the texture mix. The combination of liquid and solid makes me feel nauseous, regardless of whether or not I like the taste. I would rather starve than eat baked beans, because of the liquid sauce and gritty beans. It just feels… wrong. It’s overwhelming to have too many textures or tastes. That’s also why I will only have a burger consisting of the patty and the bun, nothing else (except occasionally lettuce. Oh and chips, having the chips between the burger and the bun makes it taste great). This makes eating out difficult.

I usually have to go with the script of ‘I’ll have the burger with no sauce, no cheese, nothing but the burger and the bun. Yes, just the burger and the bun. Nothing else’. I have to add the last bit because people always need clarification as to whether I truly want just the burger and the bun.

But ordering out is always risky because often they will forget this, even if I make it perfectly clear. So I’ll get a burger with mayo on it usually. If I’m already overwhelmed (which is likely because restaurants are very loud and bright), I may not have the energy to deal with sending it back (because that requires getting a staff members attention, explaining what is wrong and dealing with the guilt of complaining, and potentially even attempting to explain my sensory sensitivities, which the vast majority of people do not understand, and THEN dealing with them apologising over and over and the guilt from that, and finally having to wait even longer to eat and stay in the loud, bright environment for even longer, and having to eat my food once everyone else is halfway done and feeling guilty for holding them up). There is a lot of guilt involved on my part, and it’s emotionally draining, especially when I’m already in sensory overload.

So sometimes I just don’t bother. The food is no longer enjoyable, and it overwhelms me and I may be unable to finish it. Usually I’ll pick out the bits I can eat and leave about half of it, regardless of how hungry I am. And this leads to me being even more overwhelmed. The sensory aspect of the incorrect food is upsetting, and the change in what I expected and planned for is anxiety-inducing. Often I won’t really talk during a meal if this occurs, because I’m dealing with the sensory and emotional overload and disappointment.

This is partially why going out somewhere is so tiring, because I’m always anxious about whether they will even serve me something I’ll eat. It’s also why I prefer going places I’ve been before, because I know they will probably be okay. It’s why I need to know where we are going beforehand so I can see if there is anything on the menu I will actually eat (though I’m more willing to be spontaneous about a restaurant if my parents choose because I know they will check the menu and make sure there is something I’ll eat, whereas other people don’t think to do that). I cannot go to most cafe’s, because they mostly have sandwiches and pastries and toasties. I cannot eat sandwiches with sauces, and I swear almost every sandwich out there is loaded with mayo! Toasties often have some sort of mayo or ham or a combination of foods that create a disturbing texture for me. So before we choose a cafe I have to check their options to see if there is even one thing I will eat (generally, this will be a mozzarella, pesto, and tomato toastie).

At home, food isn’t as stressful, because my parents know what I will and will not eat. For example, when they are making spaghetti bolognese I’ll have plain spaghetti with veggies and a little butter, often with a plain chicken breast. If they are having meatballs, I’ll just have spaghetti and plain meatballs with no sauce. When they have curry, I’ll usually have plain rice, veggies, and either chicken or beef or something. If they are having something that cannot be made without sauce, I’ll often just have pizza or pilau rice instead.

This may help at uni because I won’t need to pay as much for food (because I won’t need to buy sauces), and I’m already used to eating fairly plain foods.

Once someone asked (after I explained this) if I only really eat for sustenance. This is definitely not true! I enjoy those foods that people consider ‘plain’. I’m happy with some meat, rice, and veggies. Plus I, like the majority of people in the UK, America, and other first world countries, am probably addicted to sugar in some way. I love chocolate and sweets and other unhealthy foods, so I definitely eat because I like food rather than to survive. And yes, I need to cut down on the sugary snacks, I know.