When I was younger, I remember having trouble sleeping. I remember I would often wake up from nightmares and go to see my parents, so they would end up not having much sleep either.

In primary school, sleep was difficult. I was bullied intensely, and would lie awake at night because I felt that the longer I stayed awake, the more time would remain until I had to go to school the next day (as time appears to pass faster when sleeping, so I knew once I fell asleep I would have little ‘time’ left until I woke up and went to school).

Even after I finished primary school and went on to secondary school (where the bullying persisted, but less intensely), I found sleep difficult. The anxiety persisted, and I would be lying awake even when I wanted to sleep. Except now, I was anxious about not sleeping and being tired. It would be about 9pm, and I would start getting nervous. What if I didn’t get to sleep? What if I messed up a test due to tiredness? The anxiety made me stay awake, which made me even more anxious because now there was even less time to sleep!

My parents helped with this. I remember once one of them told me that it didn’t matter how long I slept, or when I went to sleep, as long as I just rested in bed. And obviously sleep is different to rest, but it helped with my fear since I could convince myself it didn’t matter when I went to sleep, which decreased my anxiety and helped me to fall asleep.

The difficulty sleeping came back during my A levels. I had to wake up at 6am every morning for school, and I would be exhausted all day due to this early start. I would try to get to sleep earlier but struggled. I managed to get into a routine of going to bed at 9-9.30pm, asleep by 10pm, so I could have 8 hours (still tiring though because, regardless of how much sleep I get, waking up that early is horrible for me).

The problem was, I would consistently wake up 2-3 times every night. Sometimes 5 times.

I would be fully awake, and would sometimes take 30-60 minutes to get back to sleep. The inconsistent sleep meant that I was still exhausted, even if I got 8 hours consistently.

Side note: If I’m yawning in class it’s because I woke up at 6 and am extremely tired, not because a lesson is boring. So teachers, please stop getting annoyed and asking if you’re boring me! It’s just frustrating to be told off for being tired when you cannot help it. Also, it’s incredibly frustrating when, every time I would apologise and say I was tired, the teacher would then tell me ‘oh, well you should go to bed earlier then’. Thanks, I hadn’t thought of that! I would finish school at 4, get home at around 5-6, revise until 8-9 (not including time to shower and eat) and then watch some TV with my family for 30-60 minutes to relax. There was no more time in my day to get to sleep earlier! And the amount of sleep wasn’t the problem, it was the quality.

I find it difficult, if not impossible, to sleep when someone is having a party or playing music nearby. If my parents have a party or dinner party (a rare event, generally occurring no more than once or twice a year!), I won’t be able to sleep until everyone has left, because otherwise they are so loud! The talking, the music, the tiny noises that I cannot block out make it impossible to relax or sleep.

And since I’m used to getting to sleep at around 11pm-12am, parties that go on until 2am are hard for me. All teenagers are tired, but for me adding tiredness on top of everything else was horrid (especially with people judging you for your tiredness even if you’ve done everything possible for your sleep hygiene).

What’s really annoying though is fireworks. They are pretty and all, but they are fired so late at night! It’s stressful and exhausting.

Going on holiday can also be difficult due to this, because if we go somewhere that has a nearby motorway or lots of parties and noise nearby I’m going to struggle.

Not all of these can be be dealt with or helped. But they should not be dismissed. Please understand, when I’m tired my tolerance for sensory input decreases. My ability to detect sarcasm and social nuances decreases (because I have no energy left). My ability to read facial expressions, and display the correct facial expressions in response, decreases (because these things are not automatic for me, they are manual and require thought, effort, and energy).

So when I’m tired, I need a break the next day. I have to consider and integrate this into my routine. This is tiring.

Show some understanding, and don’t dismiss tiredness.