Holidays can be fun. They can be lovely, a great chance to bond with others. They can be exciting and full of laughs.

But they are never relaxing, at least not for me.

Some people relax by engaging in exciting, adrenaline fuelled activities. Some people relax by sitting by the pool, reading and chatting in the sun.

Both of these options drain my energy, rather than replenishing it.

Whilst I do enjoy these activities, I run out of energy fast. People enjoy going for a run (for some reason), but they get tired after running for a while and need a break.

I regain social energy by withdrawing from others, spending time alone, and listening to music. Sitting by the pool is tiring because you have to spend ages putting on sunscreen, showering after, and conversing with others. Going to a water park often leads to sensory overload, as they are so loud and bright. Both of these things are fun, and I enjoy being around others and bonding with my family and friends.

But I can’t engage in these activities as long as other people, and usually need an escape route if I get overwhelmed. This is why I usually insist upon having my own room on holiday, as I need my own space to cope with sensory and social overload.

Holidays are also stressful because of how little control and safety I feel. I can’t eat in most places (because a lot of foreign foods contain sauces and foods I can’t eat due to sensory sensitivities), which is stressful for everyone. Usually, we have to spend a long time reading menus and trying to find a place I’ll eat at. I wish more places had their menus available online, so I could check in advance.

Restaurants are also worrying because of the language barrier. I worry about whether or not my meal will be placed correctly, whether they understood what I said (Google Translate helps here!) and whether they’ll mix up my order with someone else’s. This means that I often don’t get to try ‘local cuisine’, because I’m too focused upon making sure I order something I’ll eat. So I generally end up with steak/burger and chips.

Usually, I need hours on my own after a couple of hours out. Think of it like a phone’s battery: some activities take a lot of energy (like watching videos takes a lot of battery), whilst some activities take less energy (such as browsing the internet). But after time, regardless of what you do you will run out of battery. Now imagine that your phone is super old and the battery keeps running out. Imagine your phone charger is a knockoff, not safety tested, that takes too long to charge and could potentially stop altogether if it’s not at the right angle.

I run out of energy more quickly on holiday (because my routine is gone, my safety nets have disappeared, and I’m surrounded by strangers), and I need more time to recharge. At home, my idea of ‘relaxing’ is sitting with my mum, watching Netflix whilst the my cat tries to sit on my lap. There are no demands, no pushing to socialise, no worries about messing up. On holiday, even this could take some energy. On holiday, I relax by sitting in my room, listening to music, and reading on my phone.

So when I’m on holiday, I always need my headphones, my Walkman, my phone, my sunglasses, and my stim toys. They are like portable chargers, to give me a boost to get through an otherwise draining time.